End of Year #2

It's Friday afternoon -- the end of reading week. I took an exam early (polity -- this past Monday) and I've written a paper (hermeneutics) that's due next Thursday. Now I just need to study for my Greek final (Monday) and my ecumenics final (Weds.). I am also preaching this Sunday on John 14:15-21. Sermon title: The Unseen Advocate.

Can't believe I am at the end of my second year. Feels like I just got here. Registered for Fall 2005 -- another disaster at the registrar's office -- wrong times for classes listed, etc. Need to go un-register and re-register.... But excited about next Fall's classes -- even though 4 days a week I begin at 8 a.m. Hubby says he can handle getting the kids ready for school and out the door without me. Here's hoping.

There's a house for sale down the street (actually several). But one small one, listing for $297,000 (cheap for this area!) which I mentioned to a classmate. He and his wife and two boys are very interested in buying it and staying in the area. I hope it works out for him/them.

Oldest is off on a camping weekend. Littlest wants to have a sleep-over too. Sister-in-law may arrive after midnight tomorrow night on her way to see a friend in NYC. Using us like a hotel with really late check-in! Had a pedicure this morning (my 2nd in my life!) with a neighbor down the street. Nice to pamper myself a bit, but not a real good time to chat when we both are having pedicures at the same time, and have to talk to the folks "doing" us. Also, my pedicurist asked if this was my first pedicure ever -- that's how nice my feet are -- NOT! Still, they look nicer now -- and then this neighbor took me to the shoe store and about me a $30 pair of sandals! How nice/generous is she! Makes me want to let my fingernails grow and get a manicure as well. Can't wear the sandals to "work" (at the hospital) this summer, but will be cute to wear around the beach and to social events. Interesting my non-church-going neighbor says she prays for the people doing her pedicure before they do it. She works a lot with creating positive energy.

And I have lost 11.5 lbs. in 3 weeks, so here's hoping that will continue.... The Kenyans come next week -- lots pending! But this is long enough for now.

powerful worship

I could have missed/skipped worship today, as I had no role, but I was the one who had invited the guest preacher (who also did liturgical dance later in worship, after she had delivered The Word), and there were 3 baptisms (all 3 children cried the entire time!), and it was Youth Sunday -- it really was not to be missed. The church was 3/4 full, the music was great, the power of the Holy Spirit was evident and moving. Also, it was nice for me to just worship for a change. And I enjoyed morning prayer before worship, as usual. After worship, one of the baptism family members gave the church a check for $20,000! That was also an awesome moment -- and fascinating to watch the faces of those giving and receiving this amount -- the realization of what this money could do for the church -- on the faces of both the givers and the receivers.

Last night went to a bridal shower of soon-to-be-married seminary students. It was a lot of fun -- questionnaires asked of the bride and groom-to-be included questions like, "If he/she could, which book would the groom/bride remove from the canon?" Only in seminary! Maybe only in this seminary! Very funny (sacrilegious humor being my favorite!). I stayed out/up way too late, so getting up for church was a challenge this morning, but as I was not responsible for anything, this was really not a problem.

Off to take a walk on this gorgeous day. Then I need to resume house work, school work, and more financial applications! Family is away (out of state) at another family commitment, acting once again as my ambassadors. They do an outstanding job at that. Have spoken with them by cell phone; will be good to have them home.

therapy

Had an appointment today and was able to grieve a bit more for the dog. Felt good to cry with an empathetic professional -- she kept saying, "It's a special kind of love." Made me feel good. Talked also about my mother's cancer (and my father's theological note to me about why God hasn't "taken" mom yet), which I can't believe hasn't come up before now!

May be getting my life a little bit more on track. Started back on Atkins again, after weighing the most I ever have, and having even my large clothes feel tight on me. Lost 8 lbs. in the first week. A good sign.

Last weekend, went on a women's retreat about the heart -- we talked a lot about Henri Nouwen's theology -- being broken/wounded and yet able to help heal others -- about what pulls on our heart strings, about communion references to the four chambers of the heart.... Very nice getaway -- and the gorgeous spring weather didn't hurt! (Re-entry with the family was hard, but that's to be expected, I guess. Need to watch those expectations!)

Saw my "friend" today who wants me to give her some room. I am still doing that. Not sure I should say I am happy to be doing that, but I do take a little perverse pleasure in the idea of "teaching her a lesson." I find I'm not thinking about her very much, so maybe letting go of her won't have as much of an impact as I had anticipated. She seems very broken and I can't help fix her (nor does she want that); I'm just not sure how welcoming I can/will be when/if she decides she has time for me and/or can handle me again.

In similar vein, youngest was just invited to a birthday party on Mother's Day (Mother's Day? Just what I want to do on Mother's Day -- haul my kid to a party!). The child whose party it is did not RSVP for my child's party (and didn't come), so I'm tempted to not RSVP and not have my child show up for this party. I wonder how cultural it is (the only 4 kids who did not RSVP to my youngest's birthday party were of a different ethnic group), how racist I am, and how big I am into "pay-back" -- tit-for-tat of not RSVP'ing just to teach someone a lesson....we're back to that, are we? Not very forgiving or grace-full of me....

On Mother's Day, however, the whole family has been invited to a wonderful dinner with 4 Kenyan visitors, so I definitely want to do that! [The nice thing to do, of course, would be to call this child's mother and decline the party invitation....]

Talked with my supervisor about the imprisoned youth from "our" congregation. She gave me a factual update (which was fascinating) and also corrected my impressions about her reluctance to visit him (which I had written on my field ed appraisal). I still think my "take" was correct, but I am not going to beat her over the head with my opinion. She is much more closely involved than I am, clearly.

There's more to write, but this is plenty long enough for one publishing.

March Madness

OK, so I'm in a basketball pool for the NCAA championships -- I chose Duke to win it all, and though they were eliminated early, I am still leading in the pool over all the other students that are in it with me. The guy that coordinated the pool now says the guys (#2 and #4) who picked Illinois and North Carolina to go all the way will split the winnings ($30) 50-50. It's annoying to me -- I still may have the most wins even after this game is over -- I picked Illinois to go to the big dance, but lose to Duke, so I was close.... Ah, well, 25-year-olds: what are ya gonna do?

Not much else new and chaotic today (thank God) -- got my Greek exam back -- 78.5, so with the 88.5 I already have, I'm still in the B range. Eh. Waiting on an ecumenics reflection paper back.... Sang in chapel today with the gospel choir -- the message preached was anti-war -- you go, girl! "I ain't gonna study war no more...." Sat near the friend who wants some space from me.... Mom called -- needed to bend my ear awhile -- mad that I was too busy to talk with her the other day -- not too busy, really (I mean, I was, but that was the excuse reason) -- just didn't want to hear her sympathy about a dog she never liked.

Still kind of in a bitchy mood. Did get my preaching workshop critique in and have made dinner plans with my preaching coach -- a nice guy I met in November -- we always said we'd get together, and we never have. Went shopping Sat. and got presents for a bridal shower I'm attending in 2 weeks. Also got 4 hand-written notes out in the mail today -- to women at the NAPC conf. So I feel good about that. A few loads of laundry -- got to take your pleasures/accomplishments where you can get them. Same friend who needs space says I have a high need for acknowledgement/recognition. Whoopee! Goodie for me....

Can't Decide

What To Title This: So many things to write, so many swirling emotions.... This weekend was the NAPC (National Association of Presbyterian Clergywomen) conference -- celebrating 50 years of women's ordination as Ministers of Word and Sacrament; 75 years of women's ordination as Elders; 100 years of women's ordination as Deacons. Heard Eileen Lindner speak at plenary, and Susan Andrews speak at worship -- phenomenal, both of them! Helped my supervisor set up and prepare for a workshop she led -- also drove some attendees from the train station to the event. More busy-ness for me -- had time for little or none of it -- but did enjoy connecting with other Presbyterian women from around the country (even one from Germany) and having a break from my routine.

Husband and littlest home from North Carolina -- oldest home from Scotland. Had a Presbyterian woman friend here for the conference -- nice to spend some time with her and have a change of our routine -- which is necessarily changed/under re-evaluation since the absence of the dog. This is that same friend who made a remark previously mentioned about my choice to euthanize my dog -- she also is my only friend to have access to my blog. She is a good friend, but now I have hurt her feelings (if you're reading this -- you know who you are -- I'm sorry too!). We will get through this -- we've already talked on the phone about it.

In other news, another good friend has now told me I need to give her some space, leave her alone. All this because I call her weekly or every other week just to see how she's doing (she lives alone). And maybe because I wasn't "there for her"/sympathetic when she had angst about her required psych eval. I don't know if it's her life circumstance, a crisis of call, or something I've done, cuz she won't tell me. But at this point, I'm ready to give her as much space as she needs. Apparently she and I are not the good friends I thought we were. With me at the breaking point, she's a weight I can't bear, so I need to cut and run -- cut my losses and move on.

I did not pass my Hebrew exegesis ordination exam. Argh. I worked really hard on it and thought I did really well. I only have the sheet that says "U" -- unsatisfactory -- not the reason(s) why -- nor the graders' comments -- maybe it is an April Fool's joke -- cuz my ID # wasn't on it either.... So even though I took the exam in Feb., it feels like more excrement piled on me in a week already full of it....

What else? Worship today without my supervisor -- she was at the NAPC conference still. I played my flute again today -- only 2 songs -- and allegedly "did" the children's sermon. Turned out, though, the parish associate who was preaching had words in mind for me to say, and moves choreographed for me to do. I felt like a marionette (sp?) at the hands of another controlling woman in worship! Wow. A pattern....? This woman very rarely gets to lead worship, however, so I am glad to give her some room to lead/explore/perform.

OK, this is long enough -- have to get back to school work -- hubby and kids are gone to the shore for the afternoon, and I should take advantage of the free time to be dedicated to what I need to do alone, vs. stuff I could do while they were milling around. Later....