Mid-Terms

Reading week is over tonight and I got maybe 33% done of what I'd intended (story of my life). Did not work on my thesis at all. Did host my parents for 3 days (hence the lack of work!). Did not write my sermon for my next preaching gig. Did see a Broadway show (OK, off-Broadway) -- The Altar Boyz -- spoof of a Christian boy band -- too funny -- and yes, playtime is not worktime. Duly noted. Did not start my ethics paper. Did make progress on my reading-critical log. Did not do my Isaiah translation. Did do my Greek exegesis. Did not translate my Luke passage. Did meet with my "Preaching Mark" partner to plan our presentation.

It's too hard thinking in columns like that ("did," and "did not"). Halloween is tomorrow, and when you have kids, it's a high holy day. Baked cookies as promised for the classroom party of 2nd grader. Costume all set -- whew! Have already dipped into the Halloween candy....we will not have any trick-or-treaters -- our street is too busy and there's no sidewalk -- but you never know, so hubby brought some candy home today at the kids' request (I swear it wasn't me asking for it!).

Need to prep for pro-choice meeting I'm chairing Tuesday night -- it involves going through some boxes of supplies which I have not made time to do since the boxes were left on my doorstep this summer. Also have been volunteered to work on a DVD project to fund-raise for Kenya Presbytery projects -- I have the media lab at my disposal -- just need to learn how to work all the equipment.

Daylight savings time has also thrown me off this weekend -- know I will like the light in the mornings, but miss it in the afternoons. Heard this is over on April 2 (spring ahead!), but in 2007 this period of daylight savings will be 4 weeks longer. Hmmmm. Wonder how that was decided?

This is boring even me -- and thinking about what I have NOT done means I have to go do some more.

swimming pool grace

I am proud of myself because I have swum two mornings a week since the semester began -- the pool hours work with my class schedule this semester for the first time ever! Normally I swim 60 laps and it takes me an hour. I start with 20 laps of breast stroke, 10 with a kickboard, as many freestyle as I can manage (10 is my goal -- any over that are bonuses) -- then some backstroke and some elementary backstroke to work on my arms, then finish up with breast stroke again. Swimming is meditative for me. (I am an Aquarius!) Sometimes I try to count my laps, but generally, I let the clock tell me when it's time to get out, so I can alternately let my mind wander and concentrate on thinking.

Often there is a seniors group in the pool doing water exercises -- sometimes they walk in front of me -- often there are not lanes set aside for lap swimming -- and then they apologize and I go on about my way. It's not convenient but it doesn't really irritate me -- I forget about it from swimming session to swimming session.

But this morning, there was a new swimmer in the pool. That changed everything! He was a fast swimmer, and did probably as many laps as me (in less time) -- all freestyle -- clearly a better swimmer and more in shape than I am. Lap lanes had still not been put down, and this swimmer was creating quite a wake. When I would come up for breath between strokes, often a big chlorine "wave" would go right into my mouth -- the lap lanes keep the surface of the pool smoother -- I think the seniors were bouncing around a little bit more than usual, too.

The lifeguard asked if I wanted him to put down lap lanes, and I said I was fine (don't want to cause anybody any work on my behalf...argh!). I made a mental note that if this swimmer and I overlapped schedules again, I would accede the point that I needed a lap lane. Meanwhile, I was busy working up some anger over how this man "threw off my groove".

As it turns out, this man is a parent of a seminary student, and he is visiting from Seattle. (Which means he won't be back!) I expended effort getting mad at a parent of someone of my own community. Wow. I also found that I swam more laps faster than I ever have. Swimming next to this man inspired me to my personal best (well, recently, in my 40's, anyway). I acknowledge I like my alone time and my routine and my meditation, but why did I begrudge this man some time and space in "my" pool, even in my day? Maybe I "got" the lesson I was supposed to, today.

silence

I'm wrestling with so many things all the time now -- stuff I write in my blog seems to be useful for my thesis/future book, and vice versa. Judgment is, today and always, a hot-button issue for me....

This morning, during silent prayer in worship, I was contemplating how threatening silence was (this theme was mentioned in a recorded Jeremiah Wright sermon that I listened to this week as a class assignment -- what do we do when God is silent? This happened, or I asked God for that....and God was silent). As I tried to pray this morning during "silent" prayer, I was aware of the pianist playing softly in the background -- at this particular church, we pray silently until the piano stops playing. There really is no silence. And then I think of the one congregation member who mentioned to me how frustrating it is to have silent prayer be not only not silent, but also proscribed in length of time by the pianist! This lovely Christian man judged that hard-working woman's motivations or intent, even her craft (her job -- for it is paid employment) itself. There's that word judgment again....

Can we judge what the piano-player is doing? Are we loftier as church members and/or practicing Christians? This piano player is married to a church member -- I am not sure if she is a member herself. But she is paid by the church to play the piano, so should that not be what she is doing?

Why do we put up such obstacles to God? Why can we not attend to God? It seems we would rather gripe about our neighbor, about the distractions and limits we perceive that our neighbor puts before our God. Hmmmm. We should be able to see past them, pray past them, hear beyond them, even feel beyond them. For is God not in our hearts? Are the limits really ours? Do we fear approaching God intimately or even amongst the clutter and chaos that is life? When God is always with us, can we not reach God completely unless there is silence in this God-created world? Are we protesting too much? Would we rather concentrate on minutiae than really give it all to God: distractions from our neighbors, frustrations with our neighbors, acknowledgment that we, ourselves, are not perfect and all these perceived obstacles point to our separation from God?

I'm good at asking questions. Not so good at providing the answers. That's all I've got for today....

Haggard

I feel busy and tired all the time, but that should not be abnormal by now. School work is demanding and I am behind, but I am enjoying this semester a lot. I have actually completed a paper that is not due until the first of November, but that is me prioritizing badly: I wrote that paper already because it was easy and I am interested in the subject. I put off translating Greek (I like the class but not the homework) due the next day, and wrote the paper instead.

Yesterday I preached in my home church. The sermon was 20 minutes (long in that context) but it went really well. Nobody said the sermon was too long (maybe they wouldn't anyway -- too polite) but I got a lot of positive feedback. Stroke the ego -- and yet, I felt it was an inspired sermon and well delivered. Leading worship in general was a bit chaotic -- regular pastor has control issues and the bulletin (typed each week by the pastor) had some errors and inconsistencies....

Still, a great day -- brunch afterwards with many church friends (10 of us in all). Home to take a two-hour nap, then up until 1:30 a.m. doing school work. One class today -- the kids have no school -- Columbus Day -- then can hopefully exercise and do still more catch-up with school work.

Husband home and still a tad shell-shocked from the hurricane damage he witnessed. He's going back to work tomorrow. Hopefully we can resume some kind of normal routine. He asked me again today (after asking me last Monday) what classes I have and when they are.... I had written him out a schedule before classes even began -- not sure if he kept that or where he put it....

Working on my thesis a bit in my "spare time" as well -- again, it's something I'd rather do than my required school work. Prioritization has always been an issue for me -- sometimes I feel like I owe myself a treat, and if it's not chocolate or a massage, it might be working on something more interesting but less pressing than my regular assignments! Apparently I am still rewarding the needy child within me!

Must dash....