Preaching AND On-Call

It's not enough to be on-call on a Sunday, you also have to preach that same day as well. You arrive at 8 a.m. (and stay until 8 a.m. the following day), and you lead worship at 10:15. The good news is, I made 6 bulletins (orders of worship -- they tell us to make only 5, but I was feeling optimistic) but I needed 9! Everyone was amenable to sharing -- it's a nice problem to have! We were all women in worship, and that was also a nice problem to have! It got very chatty, both the sermon (a little bit) and the prayers of the people (A LOT). Really love the whole supportive sisterhood thing. I preached on Matt. 14 -- the loaves & fishes lectionary reading -- was well-received and worked well in the hospital setting. Also played my flute for the hymns for a change of pace (after awhile, CD/"canned" music can get tiring) and that was also well-received. All to the glory of God....God knows no one is offering me a recording contract!

On-call has been slow. Have seen several patients today (that's good), but many more have "real" visitors (a.k.a family and friends and people that know them) on Sundays, so my attendance is less required on the floors. Had a good friend visiting this weekend -- I had Friday off and it was nice to spend time with her and re-connect on what made us friends in the first place. She's a good listener and a good supporter.

Other news: 2 weeks of CPE left to go. 1 last reflection paper -- due tomorrow. Final evaluations -- due next week. PC(USA) ordination exams -- August 26 (biblical exegesis on Judges or 1 Thessalonians -- hmmmm). My spiritual assessment done last week on a psychiatric case was good, and I had a successful heart-to-heart with my supervisor (she thinks I am challenging her authority on many levels -- I told her I wasn't doing it overtly or intentionally, if I am doing it at all, so things are back to "normal" with her, whatever that means). All in all, even keel at present, nothing really to complain about. I asked God to get me through this hospital worship service today (actually I asked for more than that -- I wanted it to be meaningful for those who attended -- and it was). God is good. My prayers were answered.... Better go use my time more wisely -- not sure if that means resting just-in-case tonight is crazy, or doing some homework now while it's slow so I don't have to do it later....

Have a good week, everyone! Blessings to you and yours!

Chaplaincy Staff

The paid staff Episcopal priest came down to the Emergency Department to hang around. As the on-call chaplain, I had responded to a full trauma code (a family in an automobile accident -- grandma was driving and died, mom/daughter and granddaughter survived but hospitalized) and he just stood near me, observing. Everyone knows him from 1) his collar and 2) his years on the staff, so everyone was talking to him and sharing information with him, not me. The first time or two, he indicated my presence, and that they should really be talking to me, but after awhile he let them talk and just soaked up the attention. I mean, couldn't he have been seeing patients all that time? Shouldn't he have been? He said to me, "You'll probably be here all day" (we couldn't locate the father/husband/son-in-law, so I had to wait to provide pastoral support/counseling) -- and I'm thinking, "Like hell I will [be here all day]!" This priest was down there in the Emergency Department from about 11:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m. -- as of 4:00 p.m. today, he is in his office reading a newspaper....

On another note, I went into the clergy room (adjacent to the hospital chapel) about 3:30 p.m. to put a patient on the communion list (Roman Catholic eucharist). Lo and behold! The Roman Catholic priest (paid chaplain -- regular staff) is in the room sleeping....I'm not sure if he was disoriented or just groggy! I thought he had been crying (red eyes) but he said he was "just sleeping."

And finally, the department secretary paged me to go see someone on the oncology floor who was allegedly post-op (so I'm assuming cancer surgery). As it turns out, the patient has Alzheimer's and pneumonia, and is just dying of natural causes. So I go in and sound like an idiot to the family, thank you very much! "I understand she just came out of surgery...?" "Um, no..."

And to top it all off, my supervisor wants me to talk about the chair ownership thing in I.S. (individual supervision), as I mentioned it (and my feelings about it) in my reflection paper this week).

Life goes on. Need to plan worship this week (I'm leading in hospital chapel on Sunday) and do a spiritual assessment of a patient (due Wednesday, 2 days from now). On-call tonight -- if it's slow, maybe I can get that all done.... Here's hoping!

God works in mysterious ways!

Way #1: gifts & talents: Raul Midon -- my newest favorite musician/singer/songwriter. AMAZING -- channeling George Benson, Al Jarreau, Stevie Wonder, the best of Broadway, and the best of latino jazz. LOVE HIM. Each song better than the next.

Way #2: responses to emotional stimuli: I was booted out of the chair I had selected for "group" this morning -- supervisor said it was not my chair to use. Wow. I felt chastised, like a child who had done wrong, once again like I wasn't good enough to use that particular chair or sit in that particular spot. Then I felt angry. Then I felt like I didn't want to "play" with the group any more. I was debating making a scene or just withdrawing -- so glad I didn't.

Way #3: you don't know everything/God keeps you guessing: the peer I find most pastoral (and "perfect") in our group says he is the least so. He shared some emotional stuff with which he is dealing -- he feels very imperfect, very judged, not even worthy of God's love. Again, AMAZING. Blew my socks off. Made me love him more -- for his bravery in sharing, for his vulnerability, for being full present and authentic etc.

Need to go hit the floor cuz we have meetings this afternoon. Rarely do patient visits feel like emergencies any more, I'm into the swing of it, but I do feel badly that I can't see more people in a day. Better go. Thanks for such an amazing day, Lord; life is certainly not boring!

Wedding!

Interesting day today at the hospital -- a man going in for surprise surgery was supposed to get married this weekend. Surprise! He's in the hospital -- and the religious ministries staff just married him TODAY, BEFORE LUNCH to his fiancee. Cool. Music, flowers, hastily assembled guests and hospital staff. Surgery is risky, but now we are all seriously in prayer that he will make it through to enjoy this wedded status. He and she have been living together for 5 years, but it's nice he wants to take care of her (i.e., leave all his property to his mandatory beneficiary).

I've spoken to one of my former patients on the phone today -- first time I have ever heard her voice -- she was on a respirator and then had a tracheotomy, so it was funny to picture the face and body I knew with a voice I have never heard. She is doing well. I hope to see her again when she is back for her 6-week check-up with her neurosurgeon.... I can't seem to let go or really say goodbye (to anyone), but I know what that's about, and hopefully am dealing with it (never having said goodbye to my birth mother). Interesting reflections in group and individual supervision....

Just ate a late lunch, so time to go back onto the units.

Quiet, Please!

I'm at the hospital again overnight. It's a Wednesday, 2 days after the 4th of July. Hopefully no one will have an injury from a firecracker, or a backyard pool. It has just started raining, so now the roads are slicker.... (I moved my car to the overnight lot just in time!) Hopefully no one will feel the need to be out on the roads on a wet Wednesday night. The beeper has only gone off once today, a modified trauma to which I did not have to respond....

I have a few referrals I could do tonight, 1 family to put on the Roman Catholic communion list, a bible or two to deliver.... It would be glorious if I could stay in the on-call room and finish The Kite Runner, a kind of eery but compelling book. I also have made plans to be with a 50-yr-old patient who is here for observation for seizures -- she is on sleep deprivation and will be up all night....

Today in group we did our mid-term appraisals. I went first -- mine was 7 pgs. long. Can't wait to see what the final appraisal will look like. I raised some good points, said some good and honest things (and others less honest, but more polite), and my supervisor said (publicly) she wanted everyone else's to look like mine. She also said (privately) she wanted me to go first, cuz she knew mine would be good, and she wanted others to model theirs after mine. So that was nice -- some of the public and specific acknowledgement I am always seeking!

I have been thinking today of the seminary friend who wanted me to give her space. I called her twice before I left for this internship, and I sent her a postcard from here (this happened over the course of 6 weeks, at least, maybe not enough space for her, but maybe yes). After she got the postcard, she called my cell phone (which is never on when I'm in the hospital). She left a message that she'd like to talk to me -- she sounded like the same old friend she used to be -- and she wanted me to leave her times when I was free so that she could call me back. I called her back after several days went by (more than a week) and left her a message that my schedule is pretty crazy, but that she could reach me at my parents' house (I left the number) most evenings. I have not yet heard back from her. I want to call her again -- why is that?! What is that in me that I have this need to keep in touch?!

We discussed in individual supervision this week that maybe I am always trying to hang onto relationships because I was unable to hang onto my most primary formative relationship (my birth mother). Wow. What an eye-opening concept. Can't believe I didn't ever consider that before!

Also thinking about the seminary pal who is kind of not talking to me since I wrote a thank-you note in her journal. What is it with us women? Honestly!

On the home front, I have to say that my husband is bearing up admirably with me in another state. He took care of the kids well while I was gone (and they were still there) and he and I had a nice anniversary celebration (22 yrs!) a few weekends ago. He has written to me almost every day. He does get points for trying. And my kids have been really, really good. The cyclical nature of family life is so interesting -- the bad patches seem so long when you're in them, and then you realize you've had weeks/months of really good times. It's good to stay aware so you can appreciate the peaks and valleys.

OK, this is getting maudlin even to me. I think I will go and see some patients now, and hopefully also get some rest. My peers were praying for me to have a quiet night....