ords 3

Biblical exegesis (extra-Jesus, one blog friend says -- love it!) is due tomorrow at 9 a.m. I am done, but not optimistic. I worked very hard and I feel I crafted a great sermon (which we don't hand in but which I wrote my sermon outline from -- how's that for back-assward? But two members of my COPM, whom I respect, advised me to do it that way). I don't feel I demonstrated mastery of the language. I don't feel I have mastery of the language, but having received a B in the course, and loving the language, I think I can preach a good sermon based on the original text. Heavy sigh.... Not sure what's next on this road.

"God is with us; God has been with us since before we had conscious awareness of the existence of God, or that we need God. God will be with us and will favor us before we know we need help. God does not require blind obedience; God likewise eschews rash, unthinking or insincere vows. God values life – our God-created life – we are God’s children, God’s chosen. God is faithful, standing by our covenant though we often stray and disobey. Ultimately, we will “get it right,” be made perfect, and receive all that God promises through Christ’s grace and saving action." Amen.

ords 2

I am 75% done. I was the first one in my room to finish the polity exam this morning, which worries me a tad -- if I found it easy and everyone else found it difficult, did I miss the boat? Mis-read the questions? Need to wait until early November to find out. Got a headache in the middle of the exam, took aspirin in the car on the way home, slept when I got home, still have the headache. I was able to take the biblical exegesis exam with me when I left this morning, but so far I have not looked at it. Ideally, I will tomorrow, so that Thursday, September 1 won't roll around too soon and surprise me!

Overall, the ords felt like a good/thoughtful/thought-provoking experience. Was even considering sending the proctor a thank-you note for her good work in there....her prayers before we began were helpful and calming (not to mention the tampon provision!).

Family off at a pig-nic (pig roast central to a picnic?) -- I'm not feeling up to it, between fatigue, headache, cramps, sorrow: found out today that a 15-year-old from our old neighborhood died in May of kidney cancer. Very sad. Hard for all of us to lose people we knew before we are ready to, before it's "right." Now (since CPE) I look at death differently, not in a better or easier or more logical way -- I think I consider more the family dynamics, the survivors' guilt, dying of the earthly body before the hope of eternal resurrection in Christ....

OK, that sounds like the ords coming back. Might be time to wrap this one up.

ords 1

Took my first set of ordination exams today: Theological Competence, and Worship & Sacraments. There was, interestingly enough, a question about baptism on both of them -- we were all expecting one on the Lord's Supper (there was one we could choose about putting communion in a wedding service, but that question was optional). I think I did pretty well, but I don't want to jinx it -- I've been wrong before!

Things are funny, always need putting in perspective: I was the 3rd one to arrive for the exam this morning, and the first person I noticed was a young man in a wheel chair. Wow. Even if I fail my 2 ords that I took today, at least I have the use of my legs...

Then, in the middle of the first question, I get my period -- I can feel it. I even thought I should bring something today, cuz I couldn't remember when my last one was, but knew it had been awhile, and this would be just the sort of day where getting it would be a major inconvenience. Fortunately, the proctor in the room was a woman, and she was well-stocked (cuz the restrooms in this formerly-all-male institution have no provisions at all -- no machines, even!).

The sort of crampy pain and awareness of my period helped keep me focused, instead of letting my mind wander. In a weird way, it's like having a cold used to be when I had to give an oral presentation in high school -- takes my mind of the stress by focusing on my aching throat and/or drippy nose. Weird how my mind works, eh?

Off to bath/bed/rest for Polity exam (open book, yeah!) tomorrow morning. And then the big decision about Judges vs. 1 Thessalonians!

Six Feet Under

OK, so the word is out: I am a secular consumer and an HBO fan. Boo-hoo'ed my way through the series finale -- and, I am also a bad mom: kids were up (and in the room) and were distressed by my show of emotion. Had some fall-out to deal with after that.... Will really miss this quirky and endearing and thoughtful show. Sigh, sniffle, sniffle.

summer shift

Shifting from CPE -- still need to unpack! -- back into student mode. Studying for ordination exams 6 hrs. each day -- 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. at least -- surprised how noisy the library is -- hard to concentrate, or I am distractable -- worse now than I ever used to be.... Classes don't start until Sept. 14th (I think -- better check that out!), but have to gear up for the kids to go back to school on Sept. 8th -- glad it is after Labor Day. We have a wedding Labor Day weekend (our 4th wedding this summer! amazing!) -- can't relax until after ords on August 26th & 27th, and exegesis (language proficiency) due Sept. 1st.

Friday night had dinner at hubby's only cousin's house (small family!). Fun to catch up with them again -- I was honorably asked to say grace...it was fun to be seen as the resident pastor in that crowd. Have never been asked to pray/say grace w/ hubby's immediate family -- as evangelical baptists, they don't want to risk what comes out of my mouth -- and they have their own sense of spiritual leadership which doesn't require any input from me. I am fine with that.

Have heard from none of my CPE pals -- it's been a week. Not sure if they are away on vacation, recovering from CPE, or just glad to be rid of me.... I emailed them all photos of our last day (also gave them home-made, hand-made prayer books from me to each one of them) -- am not getting the acknowledgement I crave. Oh, well. My issue. Heard from my attending chaplain -- love her and will miss her.

Not sure about worship tomorrow -- where we will go. Want to drop something by my field ed church (CD of burned digital photos from a baby shower I went to last Weds., also a letter from Africa for the pastor -- who is on vacation). Seminary friend is preaching, but worship starts at 11 and can run long, other worship services start earlier and my oldest has places to go (driven by me) and people to see....I need to study, not sure when -- have done none today but got other necessary errands and housework accomplished....

Could read a little bit right now before bed. Better get to it. Youngest wants to play computer games anyway.

Back Home, not Back to "Normal"

St. Casserole http://stcasseroleblog.blogspot.com/2005/08/sunday-night.html#comments wrote about her Sunday, and got me thinking about mine. I went to church alone -- at my former field ed church -- and the Parish Associate cried at the sight of me (hmmmm -- no, seriously, it was flattering). As I'd gotten my hair cut over the summer (donated to Locks of Love http://www.locksoflove.org/), people were interested to see how I'd changed (if only they knew!). The guest preacher was a former seminary prof, who did masterfully with Jesus and the Canaanite woman -- another new perspective for me -- I was taking notes.

It's really hot here -- I arrived last night at about 6:30 p.m. after packing everything up from 11 weeks at my parents' house -- including my scrapbooking paraphernalia, leftover food in containers, and clothes my mom bought for me and mine -- way more stuff than I'd arrived with. Left everything (well, not the food) in the car overnight, to unpack in the heat of the day today, of course!

But shopped a bit (air-conditioning!) after church -- got a new shower curtain (bathroom not cleaned in my 11-week absence -- you can imagine) and backpacks for the kids, among other things. Husband took kids to a pro baseball game -- I didn't think I'd enjoy sitting in the heat and humidity, and I had lots to do at home. Also need to prep for 2 meetings at the Presbytery office tomorrow, and get my CPE final paperwork to my seminary, and study for the ordination exams in 2 weeks (pray for me on August 26th!).

Hubby leaves tomorrow with youngest to visit his folks (they have a pool!) then I can study while oldest begins pre-season sports training (5 hours each day at the high school). Never a dull moment. I really want to do more around the house, but I can do that after ords, before school begins again. My kids don't start until the 7th of September, I think, and I think I start the 15th, so there is some time then, and hopefully cooler weather which will make me feel more like working! Fall will be here soon, and a more "normal" schedule, and before you know it, we'll be griping about the cold! (not usually me, so much, but some people, I'm sure!) Love the cycle of the seasons....another great God production!

acknowledgement, miscellaneous, end-of-unit stuff

Several days since last post -- lots going on: supervisor revealed our "stats" -- copies to each of us students of the widgets we count -- how many visits we made as chaplains on our floors, as well as our length of stay on each visit (or the amount of time we spent with each patient/family -- it's interesting that there's no way to chart or count our visits with staff!) -- and I had (far and away) the most visits and the most minutes with patients/families! I almost felt as if I was being challenged by my supervisor for the validity of my "numbers," but I feel I charted honestly, and I did spend more time visiting with patients than many of the peers I observed (who chose to read or write reports or do other things, which I usually did at home on my own time). Oh, well. I still averaged "only" 3 hours of patient visits per day -- but that was do-able when we are here from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.

The other public acknowledgement I received is a silver star (for good "customer" service). I had that on my learning contract as one of my goals -- kind of tongue in cheek, but I am so glad I got one. I do need the occasional measure of external appreciation, not only to stroke my ego, but also to help me know that I met a need and actually did a patient visit "right". Otherwise, it might be like taking up a sport without lessons: practicing something and repeatedly doing it wrong over and over....

Our last day of CPE is this Friday. I have very mixed emotions about leaving -- think I will be glad to leave this schedule -- the crazy 24-hour shifts especially -- but I will miss many of the patients (two of whom I have seen every day since I've been here -- all of June and July!) and most of the staff -- paid staff and student interns. We are doing our final evaluations (mine is done and is 9 pages long -- the supervisor says 3 pages is too few and 11 pages is too many). I wrote mine very fluidly and off-the-cuff (like I do everything) so hopefully the stream-of-consciousness reflecting will adequately and accurately reflect all I have been through and all I have accomplished. Now I am facing gift-giving (my need to do this) and how I will say goodbye (or if I will). I probably will feel the need to keep in touch with several people....and I will probably be disappointed when they don't feel the need to keep in touch with me (story of my life!).

This is long enough for now. Need to go respond to some of the nice rev women who have posted to some of my posts! Thanks, gals!