therapy

Had an appointment today and was able to grieve a bit more for the dog. Felt good to cry with an empathetic professional -- she kept saying, "It's a special kind of love." Made me feel good. Talked also about my mother's cancer (and my father's theological note to me about why God hasn't "taken" mom yet), which I can't believe hasn't come up before now!

May be getting my life a little bit more on track. Started back on Atkins again, after weighing the most I ever have, and having even my large clothes feel tight on me. Lost 8 lbs. in the first week. A good sign.

Last weekend, went on a women's retreat about the heart -- we talked a lot about Henri Nouwen's theology -- being broken/wounded and yet able to help heal others -- about what pulls on our heart strings, about communion references to the four chambers of the heart.... Very nice getaway -- and the gorgeous spring weather didn't hurt! (Re-entry with the family was hard, but that's to be expected, I guess. Need to watch those expectations!)

Saw my "friend" today who wants me to give her some room. I am still doing that. Not sure I should say I am happy to be doing that, but I do take a little perverse pleasure in the idea of "teaching her a lesson." I find I'm not thinking about her very much, so maybe letting go of her won't have as much of an impact as I had anticipated. She seems very broken and I can't help fix her (nor does she want that); I'm just not sure how welcoming I can/will be when/if she decides she has time for me and/or can handle me again.

In similar vein, youngest was just invited to a birthday party on Mother's Day (Mother's Day? Just what I want to do on Mother's Day -- haul my kid to a party!). The child whose party it is did not RSVP for my child's party (and didn't come), so I'm tempted to not RSVP and not have my child show up for this party. I wonder how cultural it is (the only 4 kids who did not RSVP to my youngest's birthday party were of a different ethnic group), how racist I am, and how big I am into "pay-back" -- tit-for-tat of not RSVP'ing just to teach someone a lesson....we're back to that, are we? Not very forgiving or grace-full of me....

On Mother's Day, however, the whole family has been invited to a wonderful dinner with 4 Kenyan visitors, so I definitely want to do that! [The nice thing to do, of course, would be to call this child's mother and decline the party invitation....]

Talked with my supervisor about the imprisoned youth from "our" congregation. She gave me a factual update (which was fascinating) and also corrected my impressions about her reluctance to visit him (which I had written on my field ed appraisal). I still think my "take" was correct, but I am not going to beat her over the head with my opinion. She is much more closely involved than I am, clearly.

There's more to write, but this is plenty long enough for one publishing.