long hiatus

It's been an exhausting several weeks! Youngest broke her arm, required surgery & hospitalization (mom, me, sleeping over in clothes), missed school, now needs to be driven to school cuz bus is too risky -- still has doctor's appointments pending -- pin removal, maybe some physical therapy....

Tomorrow I am going with my supervisor to give communion to a congregation member residing in a nursing home. That will be a nice experience -- nice change. My supervisor is having difficulty meeting our weekly supervision commitment. She is a woman who does too much. She has trouble with limits, like I do. I am trying to learn how to be both like her and not like her. We'll see how well I do on each! She is very laid back and accepting of all that goes on in the church environment. She doesn't try to control anyone or micromanage everything. She really has faith, of a sort, that it will all work out OK. She allows for people's good intentions, instead of working for the best/most professional result. I want to model that behavior.

Then, one night this week, she stayed up until 4:30 a.m. typing up Session meeting minutes. Their clerk of Session quit, and has not been replaced, and she typed up the minutes to submit to Presbytery. I think a man in a solo pastorate would not have done that. They would have not gotten done because there was no one to do them, and that would have been an acceptable excuse. So I want to resist doing things like that -- borrowing work that's not meant to be the pastor's. Now my own poor example -- today I ended up planning the pastor's daughter's 7th birthday party -- talk about doing too much and not setting limits! So maybe her doing too much for Session led to my doing too much for her daughter's party!

Tomorrow is the Halloween parade at the elementary school -- will have to see how my broken-winged witch does. I have my first therapy session with a new counselor Monday. Systematic theology mid-term due Tuesday (finished tonight). Then I leave for Chicago on Thursday, for the Covenant Network conference. The kids have no school next Th. & Fri. -- NJ state teachers' convention -- so they can just hang around the house, boring but easy. They wanted to go see my mom -- but that's not easy to coordinate. I feel bad I haven't seen my mom in over a month, and not since she's had surgery. I need to invite her down here -- she says she wants to come. I hate to do it just for childcare reasons.

Today the kids and I went to an art show/exhibition of art by disabled children (young adults) from the Matheny school -- where my brother and sister-in-law used to work, and where I used to run a Girl Scout troop. It was good to see the kids and the work they did, and I think my kids were impressed by the whole experience as well. Earlier this month, 3/4 of us saw "Polk County", a newly discovered Zora Neale Hurston play that was written in the 40's -- first time it was staged, right here at McCarter theater. We went as a fundraiser for the Witherspoon Church -- they are buying and renovating Paul Robeson's house. Good cause, and nice fellowship with church folks.

This reading week has flown by -- today Thursday I just got to really start studying. Doctor's appointment with the orthopedic surgeon on Monday, all-day trip to the Holocaust Museum in D.C on Tuesday (paid for by the American Jewish Committee -- amazing outreach project of theirs) -- really draining day, and then prep for field ed on Wednesday (more Purpose Driven Life reading and such). So today was systematic theology (and party planning!), and tomorrow will be Greek.

I have lots more to write, but it's late and I'm losing the flow. Will try to be better about catching up at least weekly, if not more often.

Exhausting Weekend

Planted mums. Decorated for Halloween. Helped little one decide on Halloween costume (one we have already! yeah!). Decided to go to the Covenant Network conference and dropped off my registration on campus. Printed out (and enhanced) poster/decorations for Purpose-Driven Life kickoff today. Took little one to birthday party of a 5-year-old friend. Took oldest to work (early) then headed for church. Sang in church (alone, a capella and separately, with choir) -- spoke about Purpose-Driven Life -- stayed for Session meeting -- went out to eat with supervisor and kids -- oldest mad about the work schedule (or lack thereof) and my failure to be immediately available for transportation. Entertained supervisor and kids at home for about 3 hours, sent little one to bed in tears (not playing nice) -- oldest one still mad at me -- this time cuz I had the nerve to mention how embarassing it was for me that my supervisor saw dirty underwear lying on the bathroom floor. Hubby home from family wedding -- he cleaned up dog mess -- on the porch this time instead of my office! Columbus day tomorrow -- no school for the kids, but school for me and work for hubby. Oldest says she has a game -- who can get her there when hubby and I are away? Who can care for little one while oldest is away? Why is it my responsibility to fix/handle this? (or even notice that it needs fixing in the first place?) Sigh.... I'm exhausted. Not in the mood to write much more....

Verbatim

"Verbatim" is the method I am supposed to evaluate one area of ministry each week -- it's the method I chose from all the selections -- we'll see how well I do it..... Worship today was wonderful -- I played the flute twice during worship -- I don't think I have ever "performed" in church -- but now it's not about me anymore (not that it ever was), it's about God. What a concept. I can feel my perspective changing constantly. My daughter sang with me during one of the songs -- that was a special time too. I just wanted to enhance the worship experience for everyone, instead of worrying how well I would do or what they would think of me. I haven't played the flute in years, let alone in church. It was a great day. Right now some of my family is hiking, and some are on play dates, and I am supposed to be studying (Greek quiz tomorrow and projects due Tuesday and Thursday). I did some housework and some pleasure reading (A Cafe on the Nile) instead -- shocking! I needed a little time to myself after a busy weekend (see below).

My verbatim has to do with prayer. The morning prayer leader had been to a prayer workshop yesterday, Saturday (the day before worship, and our pre-worship prayer time), and she had a lot she wanted to share with me. She told me about breathing in and out very deliberately, and holding one thought in mind (the same thought) with each breath. Then she showed me a few of her handouts from the workshop, which named this practice Emptying and Centering Prayer. I had been trained in this a little bit at a workshop I attended at a monastery last January, but I didn't not offer any of my input or experience to this woman. It is important for me not to be the expert on everything. And it's good for me not to feel I have to challenge or prove myself to another, that sometimes their knowledge/expertise is enough. This woman needs to feel like the expert in this arena, and I need to let her. I enjoy bonding with her and praying as her follower, not her leader.

Yesterday I went to a seminar on risking hospitality for the stranger led by Dr. Martin Marty. It was good. He is a smart man but has a difficult voice to hear, even with a microphone. It was fun to be back at the church I had been confirmed in, ordained in, married in, oldest child baptized in -- saw some (older!) familiar faces and it was fun to catch up. I truly am happiest when I'm in church!

Everyone is on their way home now, I've heard by phone, so I need to sign off and get to work and plan what to do this evening: preaching exegesis, Hebrew exegesis, and definitely Greek!