New Semester and Supervisor Problems

Interesting new semester -- just finished this week. Greek and Preaching classes continue -- no new books to buy or professors to figure out or students to meet -- new class in Polity (required), Cultural Hermeneutics, and Ecumenical Theology. The last 2 will be especially reading-heavy, but the class discussions will probably be terrific. All professors are great. Schedule is also great -- think I will enjoy this semester MUCH MORE than last spring.

My supervisor remains a problem, in a small way. Interesting that I worried about "boundaries" on my field ed intake form -- and that turns out to be the very problem I am having! I also spoke about this on Saturday at a field ed panel discussion to prospective students! Phone rang again at 9 this morning (I was getting into the shower, to leave at 9:30 -- I get to church by 10, and my supv arrives at 11) -- I told hubby to take a message/say I was in the shower -- he let it go to the machine. After I dressed, I checked the message, and called back -- nothing urgent -- something about this afternoon's arrangements (I was scheduled to provide child care for her kids -- also not in my job description, but that's another story for another day!). I told her that I'm flexible enough that whatever needs to happen can be told to me when she sees me (in fact, this morning she asked me 15 minutes into the service if I could read the epistle -- also fine, really). I only want her to call me Sunday mornings if she's sick and won't be at church, or if church is cancelled. I told her she woke up my family -- my husband says she will never get that message...

So I watched her kids while she ran a new members' class. I would have liked to have been a part of that... And then when she came to the house to pick up the kids, they don't want to leave, and she and I end up talking for hours (which I really enjoy, and that's a problem, too, cuz I don't get my work done). Finally, they all left at 6 p.m. or thereabouts... Now I have to memorize the Lord's prayer in Greek -- oral quiz tomorrow -- better get to it. Lots of pages of reading (200 pgs. in one class for one day), but I won't get to that, I doubt. Need to play catch up the rest of the week.... Bad position to start the week in! Better dash.

where does the time go?

My husband writes in his journal every morning (and sometimes at night) and somehow, I don't find/make the time. 7:30 in the morning isn't the best time to be writing, but one kid is gone to school already and the other has just finished breakfast, so I can take a minute (just a minute) before I need to dress the remaining child, and shower and dress myself. My backpack is packed already, at least (that's only cuz it's the first week of classes and I don't have to carry tons of books just yet!)

Finals finished on the 14th -- I immediately hopped a plane and went to Northern Ireland to see a colleague who's working in a Presbyterian church over there for a year. It was fun to see a bit of Dublin before I headed into Belfast -- I spent 4 nights there -- free food and lodging -- but still the trip ended up costing close to $1000. Also got to see a former youth director (who I knew when I was 15) -- he is also a PTS grad and has now lived in N.I. for 30 years -- that was great. Not sure when I will have the opportunity to go again, so I'm glad that I took advantage of it. Family barely survived without me, and that's unfortunate. Hair was not brushed in 5 days (on the little one), so Mom had to cut out the knots when she (I) got home.... Dad was freaking out at the amount of work it takes to maintain a family -- mostly all he had to do was drive a lot to activities and appointments, but somehow that was stressful for him....

My folks came to visit -- allegedly to go to my field ed church with me (on their way to FL for the month of Feb.) -- but we had a blizzard, about 24" of snow -- so church was canceled. Not that I found out -- no one called me, even after I left a message on the church's answering machine -- but since I had not been emailed the church bulletin, I assumed that I was not participating in worship -- no one had included me since I'd been away, so that was fine that I decided not to go -- glad I didn't get there and then find out there was no church!

I sound bitter -- I'm really not. It's just the way things work around here/in my life. Another friend is having a really difficult time trying to work in a church (part-time, for pay) while still being in school and not yet being ordained. The schedule is manageable, the church is OK with it, but the COM is not. Another thing to pray about.

One of my classmates just lost her 23-year-old son in a traffic accident in Jamaica (where she is from) -- losing a child is (right now) the most difficult tragedy for me to imagine -- unfathomable how you cope after that -- I don't know when I will see her next and how(if) I can comfort her at all and help ease her pain.... I interviewed for CPE last week and was accepted into my first (only!) choice -- so my summer is planned for/taken care of (for me and my kids) -- but again, will confront loss on a large scale there -- that will be difficult for me -- I hope I can hold it together and give some comfort to those for whom it will be most difficult -- those going through it.

OK, enough time -- morning duties are calling!

Northern Ireland

Writing this on a brief 5-day, 4-night stay with a seminary friend who's doing a year-long internship here. She is cooking fajitas for me now while I play on her computer. I have my own guest room -- she's driven me around 120 miles today alone -- photos in the gray and rainy, still it's "grand" to be here.

Finals just finished -- systematic theology exam last one on Friday. Then ran home and packed and headed for the airport. Today is technically Saturday....but my body doesn't agree. I'm jet lagged. Glad to get Christology paper on whether Mary could have said "No" out of the way, also Hebrew exegesis paper on Genesis 1:26-31 (creation in God's image), and finally (actually first!) my Greek exam. Also appraisal for field ed. Now need to prep for Hebrew exegesis ordination exam....

Won't take the time to write long or much. It's good to be away from home. Christmas and New Year's were stressful -- a little "me" time is essential, although I truly do miss my family and think of them lots. The big highlight for me "yesterday" was my oldest calling via cell phone from high school (between classes, even) to wish me a good trip. That made my day.

Two church services tomorrow (I have already seen MANY cathedrals!) -- looking forward do it. Irish step dancing class on Monday! Fun, fun, fun!

Gang, post-Xmas, "Happy" New Year

Forgot to mention way back when, when I preached on Nov. 28, I preached to a gang. I can't say which one, cuz that would indicate an allegiance to one over the other two (three total in the Trenton area), but gang members met with my supervising pastor and indicated a willingness to be involved in the life of the church. Since my supervising pastor has experience with youth ministry and with gangs, she was very encouraging. I even got a few "Amen's" while I was preaching, even though I wasn't doing call-and-response (c'mon, a middle-aged white woman?!). The downside is, they have not been back to church since that Sunday. Bummer (for me), more of a relief (for others in the congregation).

Christmas was its normally flurry of activity and travel -- driving 6 hours on Christmas day, always fun (4 hours on the 23rd and 3 hours on the 27th, too!). At least the weather was relatively good for driving this year....no ice or snow, but lots of rain on the first leg of the "journey." I got into a fist fight with my oldest -- never a good thing -- and then got lots of advice from my mother on how to be a better (more tolerant?) parent. Also felt (once again) that I did all the work of Christmas (presents, cards, baking, decorating) and got none of the acknowledgement. Another middle-aged mother friend of mine said she hates being responsible for all of it. Now that we're not kids at the receiving end anymore, it's not so much a fun, magical holiday as it is a time to increase the mom/wife/maid workload. I wonder if my mother felt that way back when....I think I helped her some, and she wasn't working or in school most holidays.... It could all be a matter of perspective. I said to my family (only partially joking) that one of the best reasons for becoming a pastor is that I will have to work on Christmas! No more travel, and hopefully less busy-work!

Also looming over my head are my studies: 2 papers and 2 final exams to study for -- week of Jan. 10th, they are coming up. And an interview scheduled the following week that will determine how my summer goes (CPE -- and my ability to make suitable arrangements for my kids for the summer -- also my responsibility since their dad will be working and it wouldn't occur to him until July that something will need to be done for them).

One good friend says I am depressed -- not feeling so "happy" this new year. But I am not really blue so much as accepting of my fate -- the life I have chosen -- will ride it out to the end. (Meaning I will not divorce my husband nor kill my kids.) They are in NYC today, and I feel like they want time away from me (and/or they don't value me when I am with them), so I'm giving them their "freedom" to enjoy themselves without me. They went to a New Year's eve party without me, too, while I was a good girl and worked on a photo project for my sister-in-law. My friend reminds me that men (from Mars) go into their "caves" -- go off alone to recharge -- so maybe I need to do that too. That could be me getting in touch with my masculine side. Or it could be the anti-social side of my Aquarian nature -- either way, could be restorative for me.

On a positive note, I actually enjoy a few of my studies -- am enjoying researching/writing a paper on Mary, free will, and God's omniscience for my Christology class, and I am looking forward to starting my Hebrew exegesis on a Genesis passage (I haven't picked which one yet). Not looking forward to studying for Greek -- even though translation and pronunciation are easy for me, the declensions and rote learning/regurgitation is a drag. I am behind since missing that week in Oct. when my littlest was in the hospital. Now we're doing physical therapy on the healed arm, and that's fun and seems to be helping.

OK, this is long enough for my first missive of the new year. Went to see "The Life Aquatic" alone yesterday -- just me and one other poor lonely soul (male) in the matinee -- actually nice to have a nearly-private screening -- enjoyed it a lot. Am planning to go out and see "Sideways" alone today, and maybe "Spanglish" next week when the kids resume school. Nice little mental breaks inbetween my studies. What did my mom used to say? "Thank God for small miracles." Hey, an attitude of gratitude is never a bad thing. I'm thankful for lots (my health, my family and friends, my home, living in this country, my ability to study, speak my mind, and pursue my interests, etc.), which I guess is why I have the luxury to bitch about the little things the rest of the time. Again, all a matter of perspective!