Shame

Just got an email from a young seminary student, someone from my home Presbytery, announcing passing all the ordination exams. This student regularly comes to me for advice or to complain about life in general, and yet I don't think we are friends -- I don't feel part of the inner circle. I wondered why I was included on this morning's email....and I was reminded about how I felt when I passed the ordination exams. I didn't tell anyone -- I didn't want to brag about my achievement to everyone -- especially to those who didn't pass them (one of them a close friend) -- and another outside-of-seminary friend chastised me for not wanting to celebrate more publicly. I'm taking a shame course this semester (well, OK, its title is Confession and Forgiveness in Pastoral Perspective) and I am coming to understand my poor self-image and how I don't want to call attention to myself. So I wonder if others, like this morning's email author, have a higher need for attention and acknowledgement, or if they are just more emotionally healthy and secure than I? Hmmmmm.

Can't think of other news -- need to get to class. Tried to get on blogger.com a few times before in the past week, and was unable to. So those thoughts have left my head completely.... This Th.M. degree is taxing my brain in a whole new way!