Gang, post-Xmas, "Happy" New Year

Forgot to mention way back when, when I preached on Nov. 28, I preached to a gang. I can't say which one, cuz that would indicate an allegiance to one over the other two (three total in the Trenton area), but gang members met with my supervising pastor and indicated a willingness to be involved in the life of the church. Since my supervising pastor has experience with youth ministry and with gangs, she was very encouraging. I even got a few "Amen's" while I was preaching, even though I wasn't doing call-and-response (c'mon, a middle-aged white woman?!). The downside is, they have not been back to church since that Sunday. Bummer (for me), more of a relief (for others in the congregation).

Christmas was its normally flurry of activity and travel -- driving 6 hours on Christmas day, always fun (4 hours on the 23rd and 3 hours on the 27th, too!). At least the weather was relatively good for driving this year....no ice or snow, but lots of rain on the first leg of the "journey." I got into a fist fight with my oldest -- never a good thing -- and then got lots of advice from my mother on how to be a better (more tolerant?) parent. Also felt (once again) that I did all the work of Christmas (presents, cards, baking, decorating) and got none of the acknowledgement. Another middle-aged mother friend of mine said she hates being responsible for all of it. Now that we're not kids at the receiving end anymore, it's not so much a fun, magical holiday as it is a time to increase the mom/wife/maid workload. I wonder if my mother felt that way back when....I think I helped her some, and she wasn't working or in school most holidays.... It could all be a matter of perspective. I said to my family (only partially joking) that one of the best reasons for becoming a pastor is that I will have to work on Christmas! No more travel, and hopefully less busy-work!

Also looming over my head are my studies: 2 papers and 2 final exams to study for -- week of Jan. 10th, they are coming up. And an interview scheduled the following week that will determine how my summer goes (CPE -- and my ability to make suitable arrangements for my kids for the summer -- also my responsibility since their dad will be working and it wouldn't occur to him until July that something will need to be done for them).

One good friend says I am depressed -- not feeling so "happy" this new year. But I am not really blue so much as accepting of my fate -- the life I have chosen -- will ride it out to the end. (Meaning I will not divorce my husband nor kill my kids.) They are in NYC today, and I feel like they want time away from me (and/or they don't value me when I am with them), so I'm giving them their "freedom" to enjoy themselves without me. They went to a New Year's eve party without me, too, while I was a good girl and worked on a photo project for my sister-in-law. My friend reminds me that men (from Mars) go into their "caves" -- go off alone to recharge -- so maybe I need to do that too. That could be me getting in touch with my masculine side. Or it could be the anti-social side of my Aquarian nature -- either way, could be restorative for me.

On a positive note, I actually enjoy a few of my studies -- am enjoying researching/writing a paper on Mary, free will, and God's omniscience for my Christology class, and I am looking forward to starting my Hebrew exegesis on a Genesis passage (I haven't picked which one yet). Not looking forward to studying for Greek -- even though translation and pronunciation are easy for me, the declensions and rote learning/regurgitation is a drag. I am behind since missing that week in Oct. when my littlest was in the hospital. Now we're doing physical therapy on the healed arm, and that's fun and seems to be helping.

OK, this is long enough for my first missive of the new year. Went to see "The Life Aquatic" alone yesterday -- just me and one other poor lonely soul (male) in the matinee -- actually nice to have a nearly-private screening -- enjoyed it a lot. Am planning to go out and see "Sideways" alone today, and maybe "Spanglish" next week when the kids resume school. Nice little mental breaks inbetween my studies. What did my mom used to say? "Thank God for small miracles." Hey, an attitude of gratitude is never a bad thing. I'm thankful for lots (my health, my family and friends, my home, living in this country, my ability to study, speak my mind, and pursue my interests, etc.), which I guess is why I have the luxury to bitch about the little things the rest of the time. Again, all a matter of perspective!