new eyes/self-acceptance

We seem to get what we need, or maybe our specialized sensitivities clue us in to pay attention to something we might have normally overlooked. Case in point: at an engagement party this weekend for a 35-ish friend (marrying for the first time), I met many people in their 30's and 40's who were married for the second time, now for 6 and 8 years. It must not be the crowd I am usually with -- all these old-at-marriage-but-new-with-THIS-particular-spouse couples. People talked about MY kids or HIS kids, not OUR kids. A different dynamic than I am used to -- felt very freeing for me as a separated, formerly (22 years) married person.... And several of the re-married guests at this party were clergy, so I am coming to terms with the acceptability of clergy "getting it wrong" when it comes to marriage, too.... Maybe it IS OK if I am a divorced pastor. I'm working on accepting that. (Therapy tomorrow -- can discuss that some more!)

Did a "roommate intervention" with a seminary friend today -- I was the witness when one roommate packed up, so that the right things were taken and the other right things were left behind. Two women with a different sense of ownership/entitlement. It turned out to be pretty peaceful and placid -- the leaving roommate had 3 men helping her; I was glad to be there for the staying roommate -- for moral support if not legal advice!

Angry with my parents for not coming to see all the work I've done around my house. Realized this week that I need to let go of seeking their approval (only took me until my mid-40's to figure that one out!). Also annoyed that my mother calls me on her less-than-understood, less-than-fully-functional cell phone (i.e., she doesn't know how to use it), because to use the phone at their time share costs too much money. I mean, I always knew my folks were tight with cash, but am I not worth $4 for a check-in phone call? Apparently not. Now have tentative plans for Thanksgiving with seminary friends (also the weekend of the wedding of the engaged folks, above) and Christmas with my cousin who lives in the Virgin Islands. Less holiday time for me to have to please the parents (or think about pleasing them).

Ate dinner with a different friend tonight who talked about a negative self-image vibe her cousin projects. Sometimes I feel I am too negative (and not just with self-image, either), so I was glad this friend could talk frankly about this problem her cousin has, because (I interpret it to mean that) I must not have that problem (when I thought I did). Phew!

Spoke with my thesis advisor via email a few days this week. All seems to be in place and I am reassured. One crisis at a time, one soothing moment at a time....