unsettled

It's Monday; I have no classes until the new year, and I had a chance to visit with a friend today. It was good to catch up with her. Last Weds. I was late to meet another friend for lunch -- I figured she would buy her lunch and I would find her -- she gave up on me and snapped "Well, call next time," when I apologized the following day. She's absolutely right; I should have called her on her cell phone; I just assumed I'd find her -- then when I didn't I assumed she'd had a reason she had to leave. Sometimes there is grace on the campus and sometimes there isn't. This grace-full and grace-less state exists in all of us at different times.

Christmas comes at the end of this week. The cards are mailed and the presents are bought and wrapped. I know the reason for the season, but am not feeling very celebratory this year. My parents are coming to visit, even though I have asked them not to. Once again the holiday is taking on a life of its own -- places I need to be, people I need to see, regardless of my own wishes or desires. Wish I could feel part of community; maybe this enforced socialization and merriment will help get me there. Sometimes I need to be dragged out of my shell to these events, but sometimes I like to wallow and enjoy my alone-ness. Oh, well.

Yesterday I worshipped with a Kenyan congregation and my "church time" went, in predictable fashion, from about 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. I had a wonderful, freeing, selfless time. I was asked to pray the prayers of intercession, spontaneously, and fortunately that doesn't throw me for a loop like it once did (not only being up in front of others, but in a different cultural context). It was good for me to get away/out of my comfortable church routine.

I'm sure I will experience resistance from my family members about going to church on Sunday, Christmas day. Oh, well. I think I need to do that, too.