seeing patients

Yesterday was the first day seeing patients on the hospital floors for which I am responsible. I went around with my attending (full-time, paid chaplain) and learned the "drill" as well as the computer charting system. Prayed with an intubated woman (and her daughter and son-in-law) who couldn't talk. It was frustrating to her and us but I think we gave her some help. Also spent a lot of my afternoon time with the family of a young man who crashed his motorcycle and was not wearing a helmet (CT does not have a helmet law). I slept really well last night -- exhausted from the rush of the day, but also comfortable, finally, after knowing I can talk to patients and families. I can do this, and I'm OK on my own.

Today, the family of the motorcycle crash victim decided to discontinue life support. In one way, I was amazed at how detached I was: I could look at this man and not be grossed out, but I also didn't feel I needed to compare his story to mine (like my husband would never do that, or I have a 7-year-old just like he does, etc.). I think I was fully present for his family. I even prayed with his mother today, after his death, and she ended up complimenting me on my manner with her. She thanked God that I was the one to be with her (and this is a Roman Catholic family -- so the priest administered anointing/the sacrament of the sick, and prayed with them, but they felt comfortable with me as a counselor). It was a tough day, in a way, but also a successful one.

Then in "group" today, all of us summer CPE chaplains did a little sharing for about 90 mins. One of us got "beaten up" pretty badly by the others of us, though I stood up for (took the side of) the "beatee" -- we went to lunch together afterwards.... It shocks me again and again in this loving, spiritual community, how mean we can be to one another, and how judgmental, after we set our first ground rules of no attacking and showing respect. I am learning to keep my mouth shut.... This is what worries me most about the students I am in seminary with. I hope they can be pastoral and not judgmental.

I'm not feeling so great so I think I am heading to bed. More later. This will be an interesting summer!